Friday, December 20, 2013

Keeping it Real- A look into the Chaos I call life

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, then you know that I had a really crappy day yesterday.  I had so many fails that I just ended up quitting mid day and gave up.  The things that I post on this blog are the finish products but you don't see the chaos that happens during the making of the project.  The things that I neglect so I can get a project made. 

I have had people call me super mom or ask me how I do all the things that I do.  Well I am far from being a super mom, I am just trying to get through the days and it just happens that crafts and this blog is what keeps me going.  I haven't gone a day for at least two months without some kind of disaster happening with my kids.

To be completely honest, I am actually struggling a lot right now.  For the past year I have been suffering from depression.  Not too serious that I have gotten medical attention, but enough that I haven't been happy for quite some time.  I tend to be a negative person, so I try hard not to show that side of me on this blog because I don't want people to run away....

So back to yesterday, I had a huge day of fails.  Like I said, I am far from being a super mom.  This is the current state of my living room.  It usually looks like this 95% of the time.  The other 5% is when someone is coming over and I quickly clean and hide things in a closet.  
Whenever I decide to try to create something, two of my kids like to do some crazy things.  This week has been a doozy for them.  While I was trying to finish up the stockings I came upstairs and I found them filling the play kitchen sink with water.  The day before that they dumped a big cooler filled with water all over the bedroom.  And yesterday as I was trying to work on my Christmas newsletter they had gotten into my nail polish that was on the top shelf of my closet.

The newsletter was a mess in itself, the computer froze before I could save and then I ran out of ink.  It wouldn't have been a huge deal if I lived in a city and I could just run to the store to buy more but no, I live 2 hours away from Walmart so I can't just go and get things like that.
On Monday I got a call to see if I could bring something for the kids' school party.  They wanted it to be something that we could put into a little treat bag and they suggested that it be homemade.  I really wanted to make string cheese into snowmen but our little grocery store doesn't sell string cheese, so I thought cookies would be fun and fine.  Then I remember that I suck at baking and my cookies never come out.....
I thought maybe I could make it look like square cookie bars.  Not so much.  So I'm going with plan B... store bought cookies.  

 Right after the cookie incident I wanted a second to myself and I sent my kids into my room to watch tv, so I could sit and relax.  Then I heard a crash.  My kids like to sit on my head board and jump off onto my bed.  This time they knocked off the K frame.  Still not sure if it's broken or not, its stuck under my bed.

Sadly that isn't all that happened yesterday, it just happens to be the things that I took pictures of.   When my kids act out like this, I feel like a failure as a parent.  The sad thing is that yesterday I seriously tried to sit down and do things with them.  I had them help me make the cookies.  I had them help me wrap presents.  I had them help me with the Christmas newsletters.  And still it isn't good enough....

 It was a pretty crappy day for me, but honestly it was a fairly normal day for me.  When my husband gets home from work I usually just end up hiding in my room so I can get a moment to myself.

I'm grateful that tomorrow is a new day.  Let's hope that it is a better day.

I would love it if you followed along.


Coleen said...

Thank you so much for the honesty! We all have days where we feel like complete failures as moms, but by God's grace, He gives us a new day to start fresh! I am happy to know that I'm not the only mom who attempts to get things done while my son is off making a complete disaster somewhere else! May you have a Merry CHRISTmas!

Coleen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Britni Vigil said...

Aww Space I've only got 1 and my house looks like this constantly. Matty stayed at our house Weds night after we left and I had to tell him happy New Years (since my party stuff was still out) and don't judge me since I basically cleared a path out of the chaos in my craft room so he could sleep in there. Sorry things are tough right now, wish you lived closer so our kids could get into trouble while we played together.

KaseyQ said...

Hooray for being REAL! This must be the week for lousy days. On Tuesday I got up early so I could bake cookies for the adult Institute class I attend- we were having our annual Christmas program and luncheon. Well, I finished the cookies and I started taking stuff out to the car, but it was locked, so I stuck things on the roof. My 4-year-old was throwing a massive tantrum at the time, but I managed to get her out the door, unlocked the car, put the stuff from the roof inside and then got the baby in. Well, I was heading down the road when I remembered the cookies- had I put them in the car? Where were they? I had a sinking feeling. I slammed on the brakes, jumped out of the car- no cookies on the roof. I drove back and they were scattered all over the road.

By this time I was 10 minutes late to drop off my daughter at preschool, which then made me late to Institute. When we got there, my 1 1/2-year-old refused to stay in the nursery, so I begged a friend to watch her for just a minute so I could play my flute for the program. While I was trying to practice real quick in a classroom beforehand, the toddler fell off a chair and whacked her head. When I finally went in to play- oh yeah, the other problem was that my printer ran out of ink so I had to bring my laptop and try to see the music (very tiny) on there- I could barely see the notes and I messed it up so badly that I only played through it once, even though I was supposed to do it twice. I decided that nobody needed to hear that again and I just went and sat down.

I left before the luncheon because I couldn’t stand the thought of well-meaning people telling me how much they enjoyed my music. *ugh* Then I went home and my older daughter came home from school and told me she’d gotten an F on her test, I had to drag all 4 kids with us to her dance class, and then I proceeded to have a hypoglycemia attack. I won’t even get into all the stuff that happened when we went to my son’s Scout Pack Meeting at church that night...*sigh*

We all have lousy days and my house looks much like yours a lot of the time- I even have the same vacuum! Just hang in there. Do what you can and always remember that tomorrow is another day. :-)

Amy Hindman said...

My kids are the same way. For some reason when I go out of my way to do activities with them it turns out to be a huge disaster. And winter is just hard. period. All that pent up energy and nowhere to safely unleash. Give the kids some wrapping paper tubes to wallop on each other for a bit, grab a hot cocoa and go hide :) We all do it! Here's to enjoying the good moments (or 1 second) of each day and knowing that those little tornadoes are worth it

brooknwlrt said...

Keep your head up...I only have 1 little one and he keeps me on my toes so I can't totally understand what your going through! But I will say that I went thru a small depression after my son was born and I tried to ignore it for a few years because I totally could "handle it". But my depression grew into anxiety and it got so bad I couldn't even hardly drive anymore or keep it together or not be mean to my husband....the list could probably go on! But I did talk to my DR and started taking a low dose of Lexapro it is not a narcotic and/or addicting and after 6 months on it I was able to stop taking it and that was 2 years ago. I have to say it made a world of difference! Taking something might not be for you and your family but just thought I would share what helped me out just in case =) Thanks for the GREAT Blog I look forward to checking my email and seeing all the cute things you come up with to share!

JoAnn P said...

I know where you are coming from. When my son was born, my second child, I had many issues with depression and have been on meds since. It is a tough point in life for a mom when the kids are so young. I'll pray for you.

Linda Gilbert said...

I know what you mean. My two are 3 and 6. Your life is my life. I feel like a failure most of the time. I have developed heart problems which has stopped me from working and my husband is the only provider. We feel the money difference. It is nice being home with my children but I also feel that depression coming on sometimes. It is hard being a Mom and it seems sometimes no one appreciates us but they do. We recently moved and went from Wal Mart 5 minutes away to 45 minutes away so I know what it is like to plan for meals, crafts and other important things. It is hard but I think it is worth. God Bless You and hold on I'm not saying it will get the best but it will get a little better.

Amy Enloe said...

I know another blog that just started doing a "What real motherhood looks like" link party. You might want to check it out. They are doing another one on Monday (I think once a month).